swimming frustration

So I go to swim practice to improve my technique. I can swim too fast
on my own. Since I got back after the bike wreck I've been in a faster
lane, and I feel like I'm not working my form at all since I'm trying
to hit the times for the lane. Today I was about ready to leave just
into the workout because IT'S SOOOO FRUSTRATING!! I don't want to feel
I have to be faster than I am. I left feeling out of shape, fat,
disappointed in myself, slow, and like I'll never be any good at this.
Oh, and I was hitting times I have been ok with before.

was so frustrating that I was too close to tears for something that I
do for fun. In fact, I made it through the part of practice I stayed
for (had to leave on time instead of going a bit over like usual) by
telling myself it was the last time. I figured it might just be that I
had just gotten back, so I've gone to at least 4 or 5 practices since.
And they are staying frustrating. I pay a coach to help me get better,
not to give workouts and then let our group do them fairly on our own.
Trifuel has tons of good workouts that are posted, so why am I spending
~$65 a month on this? Yes, it is good motivation to have a set practice
time and people who expect to see me. But as an instructor (of martial
arts) I feel that part of the job of an instructor is to help with
motivation, self-confidence, and ability. I don't feel any of this is
being met right now.

So now to decide if I really never go back…

I'm considering…
… tring it a few more times (I usually go 3x a week)
… trying a practice with the other coach (only 1, maybe 2, a week that I could do)
… looking for another swimming group
… just swimming on my own for a bit — there are no big tris coming up

was definitely worth it for IM training, and when I felt the coach was
helping me. It's just that I'm not sure any more if it is worth it.

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